Selfishness

According to the dictionary, selfishness means:
devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.


Am I a selfish person?  As I sit here and look at my very bruised arms from the donation, I think to myself, how could a truly selfish person go through what I went through to save another person, a person that I don't and might never know?  A selfish person would have said no, that it didn't benefit me any to do this.  That it hurt to bad, that it took up too much of their own time, that it wasn't fun.


Am I selfish person?  Aren't we all at some point?  Even as a submissive, isn't there a little bit of selfishness in it?  Don't I submit to another to get something back in return?  To get that praise, that reward, that orgasm, that smile from your Dom.  I might be serving another, but I don't give of everything I have, just to give it.  Maybe that makes me a bad submissive. 


I've actually read that selfishness is a trait that a submissive needs.  I have an obligation to make my needs known and being met.  My Dom can't read my mind.  Subs are often highly attentive to others emotions and we sometimes take it for granted that others are just like us and just knows when our emotions are out of whack.


Or I can look at it this way.  I am here to serve his needs and in doing so, my needs will be met.  When he's feeling stressed, out of control with work or family, mentally or physically exhausted, or just needs time to himself, it is my job to give him what he needs.  Sometimes that could mean just giving him space, not being needy, loving him when he needs it, backing off when he needs that also.  When he's able to have his needs met in whatever way he needs it at that moment, then he, in turn, will also meet mine, when he is ready to.  If I push him and let my selfish needs take over, it will become a vicious cycle.  For some Doms, they will just shut down and for others, they will just push you away, sometimes for good.  


So which way do I go?  Do I serve all of his needs and wait for mine to be fulfilled or do I put my thoughts out there so he'll know and risk looking selfish?  I think with each Dom it differs.  Sometimes putting your needs out there can make them feel lacking as a Dom or sometimes it gives them a good "upside the head" moment and makes them realize that we're in this together.  It's important to learn which way your Dom goes on that.


Unfortunately I learned this lesson too late.  But at least I've learned it.  Now I just have to make sure that I can remember this for my next Dom.  


And speaking of my next Dom....he might be just around the corner.