So about me. I'm in my mid-30s and married for 10 years to John (no, not his real name, just what I'm calling him here). Two amazing kids, little girl who is 2 (going on 16), little boy who is 6. I live in Nashville and just moved here in August. I'm a stay-at-home mom and I'm going back to school in June for nursing.
I'm in an open marriage and have been for almost a year. So far so good! It hasn't always been easy, but I have a very strong marriage and open communication. As a matter of fact, while things were going south with my Dom, John sat on the bed and rubbed my back while I cried. He's an amazing husband and is my "forever love". He's out on a date while I write this actually. We both know that other will always come home and that our family will always be our number one priority in all of this.
I'm also polyamorous. What does that mean? I have the capacity to love more than one at a time. I don't believe that one person can truly fulfill all of a person's wants and needs. I believe in a "for now" love. That love could be for a few months or for a few years. I would love to find that love that lasts for years. But alas, that doesn't always happen. But each love I have teaches me new and wonderful things, both good and bad.
I'm also a submissive. This quote defines who I am perfectly:
“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.” Anais Nin
I am a strong woman who holds her head high and has a fantastic sense of who she is, however, I crave submitting to a man who can peel back my layers and see all of me, not just the strong parts but the vulnerable parts also. I want a man to get inside my head, to challenge me, to use me, to shape me into the sub I know I can be and that he wants me to be.
I'm in search of my perfect Dom. Someone who sees all of me and loves me even more because of that. Who will take the bad with the good, the imperfect with the perfect, the ugly with the beautiful. Someone who doesn't run away when it gets to hard to handle, when I get difficult and moody and clingy and needy. But rather someone who will embrace those parts of me and help me to become a better person because of those traits and who will teach me how to use those negatives to become that better person.
Each relationship that ends, I learn something. Sometimes, many somethings. With the first Dom, I learned that distance can be really hard on a relationship. With my second Dom I learned that physical attraction is really important along with having really great aftercare. The "scene" might be AMAZING, but without the physical attraction and needed aftercare, you're left feeling empty. And with my last Dom, I learned the most important lesson of all so far....that I was capable of loving more than one person at a time. And for that I will be forever grateful. I also learned that consistency and follow through is HUGE for me. I'm sure I'll go into more of all of this at a later time.
But for now....it's time for a new chapter and I can't wait to see what the future brings me.
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