What a whirlwind of a week it has been. Great news, not so great news.
Great news: I got in to nursing school!! I was confident that I would, but fearful that I wouldn't. If I didn't make it in, then what? Be a stay-at-home mom for the rest of my life? I love my kids, but I feel like I'm slipping away into a useless space-taker sometimes. Like I don't have a direction, or a purpose. At least I've had something to work towards the last few months. A new career. What if I didn't have that to look forward to? I really can't imagine just being a mom. I'm sure I'd find something, but nothing like having a fulfilling career doing something I've been wanting to do since I was 18. So now the excitement begins. Time for more learning and challenging myself.
Not so great news: Hysterectomy in my future. Looking at mid-November or late October. All of my lady parts appear to be broken and the best way to fix them is to remove them. It's going to fix all of my problems, which I'm thrilled about. However, I feel like part of my "womanhood" is being taken away from me. Even though we're done having kids and I don't need my parts anymore, it's still what makes me a woman. Yes, logically I know that removing a uterus doesn't make me less of a woman, but emotionally....other story. These are the parts that carried two children while they were growing inside of me. That protected them and kept them safe for 9 months. That gave me hell when they decided not to work correctly and almost caused my son to show up 10 weeks early. These are the parts that every month I curse because of all of the pain and trouble they give me. But to just take them out and throw them away? It saddens me.
The good is taken with the bad, the happy with the sad. You can't have the highs without having the lows. At least I know that I have 2 wonderfully fantastic men who love me, and I them, completely and will be with me every step of the way.
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