I posted a journal entry on one of the websites that I'm on about being called a "home wrecker" and I got some harsh replies. I wasn't really expecting everyone to give me a high five, but I wasn't really ready for the harshness either.
I started questioning my moral and spiritual integrity. The thing that I don't get is that I've been with married men before, a lot of married men, whose wives had no idea and it never bothered me until now, I think, because no one has ever said "You're a bad person for this".
What got me was when someone commented with this: "Personally I look long term, not short term. I chose not to harm another's relationships. I prefer they get their own life in order before they enter into mine. If I miss out in play, that's fine cause my emotional/energetic/spiritual/physical integrity is worth it." So my integrity is now being questioned. I know it's wrong to be with a married man but I didn't CAUSE him to have an affair, but i'm not being the upstanding moral person that I'm supposed to be by putting a stop to it. So now all of my religious convictions are kicking in, because i haven't been back in church since we moved here and i'm dealing with "Is God telling me to get out?".
And then I talked to a dear sweet friend tonight and she's made me see that it's ok. She said "You are a beautiful soul who has been given the chance to love and bring some joy to my really really good friends life". That maybe I'm the support he needs to make some difficult decisions. That maybe I was put into his life for a reason. To be able to show him a love that has no limits and wants nothing in return. To show him that what he's wanting in his life is attainable.
I'm feeling better tonight. I'm feeling renewed and confident that I'm in his life for a reason and that he's in mine for a reason.
I didn't look for this to happen. I didn't look to fall in love with a married man. But I did. And one day I will answer for it I'm sure. But for right now, I will be that support he needs, that friend who is there for him and that lover he can take as his own.
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